Monday, June 01, 2009

Faux ami

The meaning of obviate is not as obvious as it seems:

Pronunciation:
\ˈäb-vē-ˌāt\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
ob·vi·at·ed; ob·vi·at·ing
Etymology:
Late Latin obviatus, past participle of obviare to meet, withstand, from Latin obviam
Date:
1598
: to anticipate and prevent (as a situation) or make unnecessary (as an action)]

Is tired of desk marks from unergo arrangement

Hello, June

It's called furlough; get used to it.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Two fireworks in one week!

Thank you, Rockfest.

(PS, wow, I know absolutely none of these bands / never heard or heard of or seen. Not that I would know much about this genre, but 20 years ago, I did know a bit more. Bleh.)

Looks like my headache

Hate, hate, hate

She remembered that today

she saw one of the urban red-tailed hawks emerge low-flying (her height) from a parking lot south of 21st and Her-Aunt's-Name-Street this morning, just a few feet away and back and forth through her walking-point, on the way to work.

The aftermath was her walking dressed in black in the increasing sun wondering how her near-sighted squint was affecting the kept-looking-over fellow-with-headphones who was, by her intention, two one-directional lanes away, when she noticed a small black spider on her left hand … hawk had been on left and was almost audible … no one is claiming to have heard the movement of a miniscule arachnid.

Left, left, west or left.  It's funny to pretend to listen to Spirit Animals.

The missing element would have been a snake, obviously (to anyone who has been with me a while), but they are quite rare in cities.

She should be moving pavers in the front yard at some point this summer and shall be charmed to greet that little garden fellow again; and she will let you know.  (S/he's very difficult to photograph.)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

1984@451ºF: Requiem for paper

I shall miss you.

Admittedly, I have become less patient with digging physically through thin layers of pulped and pressed trees, on both a merely visceral level and also in terms of how the contemporary pressure to know everything precisely and immediately — to have facts and figures and photos to entice, back up, be countered or agreed with, on hand, in documentation and very quickly — has made perusal into a folly, deep reading an unaffordable luxury, and proper digestion of information a thing of the past.

I do not think people have gotten smarter or that they have such lighting-fast synapses that we can actually keep up with all the input we receive.  I believe that the best conclusions are those that take a bit of time to assemble.  There are always five or six sides to every story … and it's often not the correct story one guesses to start with.

Most of us do not take time or have* time to read much. It is done in 20-second to 5-minute snatches.  Personally, occasionally and especially when I was lately in undergraduate classes again, I will finish a whole chapter (or, in magazines, a whole article) before becoming distracted by something else and wandering off the job.

Perhaps I am just kind-of stupid.

I believe, however, that I can see writing on the walls about where writing is going to live.

The other morning, which seems so incredibly long ago and did even several hours after it was gone, I tried to compensate for having to get up and work very early and all day long on something that is not my own project (and is not being managed in such a way as to minimize impact on the domestic environment) by getting coffee and eating a pan au chocolat.

At the café, I picked up from their overflowing recycling bin one of the clean section As ofthe daily local, dated a day earlier**, and I enjoyed being able to start on page 1 with a story, jump to page 23 to finish it and then read the rest of the articles backwards to page 1.  I liked having reading material provided for me.  It helped make sense of all the random radio-news items I had been hearing for weeks but could not understand for lack of time and lack of sleep enough to keep my brain able to take in or put out more than a sentence at a time.

When newspapers can no longer afford to use cut-down trees or recycled formerly-cut-down trees to share information by physically delivering these printed pages to place after place after place, day after day after day, I will be sad.

Is it the same as having a set of newsprint pages lying around to share at a coffee shop to have tastefully-concealed computer stations offering items free-of-charge to patrons? With le screen, we would all have all the limitless choices we do right this instant and would opt not to stay with skimming or reading through 20-some***  items — no,  we would be bouncing to whatever Friend-345 recommended as a link on Facebook or be looking at the first paragraph of five or six stories recommended by whomever is in charge of culling stories for Yahoo! news digest pages.

Sometimes it is nice to have limited options in entertainment.

On a physical level, paper is portable and does not require anything but the energy of the sun to be useful as an information-sharing device. Yes, at night this is not true, but even the poorest person has access to daylight.  And many do have electricity or other sources of artificial (fossil- or nuclear- or bio-fuel) options.  Many, many more do not have computers and power enough or can afford phone or cable connections to get to all the information being stored in a machine that is specialized, requires power and technically-informed maintenance in order to function.  It is centralized; papers — books are everywhere.

I hate all the paper in my filing cabinet.  Of course, I love it, too. There are clippings.  There are entertaining letters from creditors and other official offices.  The letters live in a 70-pound plastic tub.  The photos, as with phonograph records, I shall not weigh.

At ye olde IRS, I developed a new anti-appreciation for the tedium of paperwork, and in only 8 short weeks … the day-traders who have literally a half-foot of one-sided printed pages detailing every little financial orgasm or wound, the destitute whose 1040EZs only contain a name, no address, no number, no job and an extra note in the "do not write here" spot that was my stamping target, reiterating, "I have no income."

By now, with almost a fortnight between me and the desk, the lights, the carts, the folders, the German-made stamping tool that looked exactly like the one they had in the B&W 1960 videofilm they showed us that one time the director was talking, my cuticles are no longer shredded and my first misplaced blister is not a scratchy entity on my palm; my thumbs, index base, pen-ballast at final knuckle of my right's middle finger have stopped peeling, the sharp spots of dead skin no longer needed.

I used to think of Tom Joad and how he was used to swinging a pick-axe from his prison term but had to re-break his hands after being away from it for a while; he mixed mud into his broken blisters and took solace from wincing that the blister is the built-in step to a protective callous. Our skin is interesting that way.… the paper cuts in the web connector between my thumb and hand, on every finger on both sides at one time or another, coupled with staple-scrapes on my wrists like Morse code and the shocking stabs from unsterile barbs sharp like tiny sudden attacks from the back of tax documents carelessly fastened together or falling apart from their fourth or possibly tenth human handling — I shall miss none of these.

Would that everyone did e-file and save laborers the trouble.  Many of those who felt the need to cram an eventual shelf in a cave with their hard copies used an accountant or professional preparer, even Turbo Tax, so it is not at this stage a matter of access.

I usually work in the industry that is dancing around trying to reinvent itself.  As it is an industry and not an art, the dance is not very fun or spontaneous. Though my keyboard is nearly as stained as the pages of my favorite novels: hummus, blood, pen marks, and other evidences of emotion or carelessness, it is not cozy in bed nor something I want to be staring at when at coffee shops. Bye, paper, bye, no one wants to buy you when you are priced what you really cost …

And we shall become more stupid, less informed, etc., as no one is paid to track down facts — as no one has either access or willingness to read them.  It was readily apparent that most of the people I was sitting around night after night were not tuned in to even the basic information streams we computer-chained office people are used to, we have-time-enough folks with merely one job, no kids, and only moderately demanding and not consuming obsessions, hobbies, illnesses or charges … when someone nearly one's own age, with a college degree (and to be fair, very sleep-deprived with two full-time jobs) turns to ask, mid-narrative, "Which is the bad Korea again," I have very little analysis to offer that you can't fill in for yourself.

However, having some researching journalist come and really look at how many accidents we night-owls cause nationwide by our ridiculousness (mandatory per lifestyle and circumstance), how much we contribute to the health-care bill down the road by our poor sleeping and eating habits, how many relationships we let go of attending so that they die, how many politicians we allow to continue in their negligence while we are not watching … well, it would interest me.  Too bad that I couldn't afford to hire someone to do that (you know, like in the Marxian model, where art-lovers somehow actually support artists directly and completely, sans government-grant interference).

*(We can deal with this modern myth or fact later.)

**(So old, so outdated, by Internet-news standards : )

***(I am estimating; though I did bring the paper home to remember to be against a comment in an anti-cursing article, I am not going to count articles right now)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Gimme Bunny

We want soft things until we have to take care of them.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

R.M. Fisher

Suikang Zhao

Folly

Matthew Farley

Facebook comment du jour

"I must say, ...Your quite a bit more attractive than I remember you.." [grammar preserved]

"Yes," she replies in her head, "I wanted to be at that 10-year reunion to show all you boys how some women take longer than 12 years to get to sexy and how I hated you for treating me like you did.  And, today, 21 years later, well, it's just an inappropriate thing to say."

All she did was "like" a series of pics that clearly displayed him with his girlfriend at some wedding reception.

Are hormones really able to convey themselves over inter-chakra lines of consciousness even without intention?  I think [choose to believe] not, despite additional evidence to the contrary.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Aerosol


Writers from DF and ATT crews have converged this Memorial Day weekend in Kansas City from around the country for their semi-annual reunion, drawing professional graffiti artists from other crews to town … Thursday and Friday, they painted at Grinder's / Crossroads KC music venue (19th and Locust, south roof and west side … and bus), and Vulcan and Apex (NY / San Francisco) will be completing the south-facing rooftop mural over the weekend.

Today, James Elementary School in Historic Northeast offers up its lovely retaining wall once again for an all-out set of great DF/ATT pieces and characters, with music by Hip Hop Academy, all starting at 1 p.m.  Watch layers of color emerge and converge, and try to read what you see as the artists work … get blackbooks signed and interview and photograph to your heart's content. (See pics from the August 2007 event at the school.)

Additional sites in Kansas City, Kansas, are also hosting guest painters (900-1100-blocks of Southwest Boulevard … on Lincoln near Strasser True Value Hardware and at 3 Axis fabrication company).

Friday, May 22, 2009

Bitches at Bice, or: "Failed Experiment"

I had a notion that it might be like "being in another city," since it's certainly not like being in my own and thus like a vacation.

It was not fun at all.

"This is so-and-so, and he'll be shadowing me, I'm training him, I am the trainer for this location, we have to give him a hard time" speaks volumes.  Esp. when supervisor-server is overheard saying same line to other couple in same way later and overheard and overheard and overheard as he chooses to engage in a too-loud conversation with other couple, because he and male counterpart both have experience in leasing / real estate: "Oh, you should charge them such-and-such and run their record through the mill. And, pets — I get at least another month's rent deposit — you have to protect your investment!"

When you can hear the server's babbling over your own thoughts two tables away …

Dear So-and-so didn't do much nor receive a hard time.  He did come and ask if we wanted more water, right after he and trainer had just been by.  Mostly, I feel bad for him, since the place was sooooo underpopulated — on a Friday night at 7 p.m.

All we wanted was outdoor dining with decent food for price … I don't even mind paying $8 a glass for $12 bottle (retail) wine, but what is there to see but running boards that fold in automatically when the SUV door closes across the street at the steak place where the valets were busy — or the homeless people walking on the same Hollywood-poured sidewalk as the bachelorette partygirls or the conventioners with their matching over-the-shoulder string-sling conference bags?

Calamari might be "better" for being made of more rings than tentacles, but even with the tempura batter and the addition of mushrooms and pepper strips, I could not bear finishing them … yes, fresh tomato purée to dip them in is good, but all of it very bland, very bland.  And, that doily was a nice touch, but draining the fried sea creatures longer would have pleased me more.  Or, maybe some pepper (chef's addition, not mine).

Angel hair pasta with olive oil, basil, tomatoes … really, a clump like that?  I know it's very hard to get fresh mozzerella to the table in good form, but all the oil should not abandon the pasta for the bottom of the bowl right off, leaving a mass of angel tangles to pick apart.

And, while I appreciated the unsolicited commentary by trainer-server about how the eggplant parmesean (on the anti / appetizer menu but chosen as entrée) was not fried and "more healthy," I found it way oily anyway and had no use for the slab o' cheese on top besides.  Visually, it was fine, but to taste the same (sooooooo nearly) tomato purée surrounding it …

Worst $50-dinner ever.

Irritating, faux-doting yet condescending service … maybe happy hour (before 6:30 p.m.) is fine, but we would have enjoyed having hot dogs from the vendor cart down the block 1,000 times more.  The seller has a tattoo of Afghanistan on his neck and when asked, said, "But don't tell anyone," and, of course, I find that humorous.  He's been here since 1979 (Kansas City), which "is long enough to be a vendor."  I can't determine how that linguistic nuance should be interpreted.

But back to "Italy" — maybe the Bice bread has something Milanese-regional going on, too, but I think that crumbly pan is bad.  Where's the yeast and crust we have come to know and love when dining American Italian?  The roasted pepper-something cream cheese did pair with it well, but I tasted very little (and the cheese came on a chilled square plate in yet more olive oil).

Anyway, needless to say and without photos because the camera was off doing art things, I could (in the re-contexted words of my friend whom I dragged there against the instincts I used to use) give a flying sweet potato that "Bice Bistro arrives in Kansas City."

Chain CONCEPT restaurants are useless food-wasting-factories.  The eggplant strata (and everything I have eaten) at One-80 is far superior.

When even I, the most starving-to-death middle-classer-on-the-edge, do not take a box of leftovers home but sends the greasy mess to its rat-bin … well, I guess it's high time I return to my instincts.

And and

Could be me but I'm not cool enough to skate DT

Voluntary Honda ad


Perhaps it's a Honda, I didn't check; you all can speculate based on body-shape, but it just so happened to be coordinated to the background, which is from Asia (mentally; it's a functional piece of art by Suikang Zhao that was fabricated locally at A. Zahner Co. for the north end of Bartle Hall convention center, and this is the more functional side). But if you've been watching, I'm on a kick about emphasizing how everything's all connected and there are no borders and all elements (not the Honda Element) are one and the same. Anyway, this view of sparkle just makes me happy to look at it.

Venting

We breathe the same air, too

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Spinning clean

Evolvement by Lori Raye Erickson and Lisa Marie Evans, part of the 10th anniversary of Kansas City's Avenue of the Arts, opening tonight with a reception and music and food, etc.

This is a zoetrope; the artists created three zoetropes, each with a different animation. This one is about the rise-and-fall relationship between a building and a tree. (Yes, my film is tilty and might require Dramamine for viewing; the real-life experience, as always, is 1,000-times better, so go.)

What I find


Go out for art, come back with science.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Seems a bit loopy

They hightlight the changes and then ask you to read about 20 screens of text, the legalese that usually comes on thin folded paper with a credit card statement, and I sort of started reading because there is an "I agree" button at the bottom.

This seems rather unfair:

C.  Waiver of requirement for two or more signatures
You recognize that any requirement of verifying two or more signatures on checks, if such a requirement exists, does not apply to electronic or telephone transfers, and release us from liability when making these kind of transfers. This means that any person who is an authorized signer on your account is authorized by you to individually make electronic or telephone transfers, even though that person's authority to transfer or withdraw funds from your account by some other means (e.g., by check) must be exercised jointly with one or more other persons. This provision controls and takes precedence over any conflicting provision in any other agreements you have with us.
Electronic law has not kept up?  I recall talking to a credit card company on behalf of cardholder spouse and the rep's wanting to have him in the call too … until there was an authorization, perhaps.  That authorization did not include my SS#.

What's the point of double-signature checks if the provision can be overridden so easily using a phone or e-transfer.

Thank you, mortgage bank.

Thank you, too, Federal Mutual Bank that used to be a Credit Union that made us vote on the switch that supposedly would free it up to open more branches, etc., for closing the one and only local branch and only bank within walking distance of my house — as well as the lovely 24-hour ATM your study says is hardly ever used … I really appreciated the letter you sent that said you were sorry for no longer being able to offer live services in the Chicago area and therefore were depositing $25 into our account … I'm thrilled about the prospect online-only banking and mailing deposits in to Minnesota or wherever you're based.  So much so that I will be seeking out another bank shortly. Inconvenient?  Indeed.  Necessary, though.

I hate getting swished around by financial institutions for doing nothing wrong.

I am going to incorporate this phrase into as many conversations tomorrow as possible:  "This provision controls and takes precedence over any conflicting provision in any other agreements you have with me."

We know we're blurry

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some people

at our house …

with, you know, graffiti names …

Monday, May 18, 2009

17x2

Thanks to a particularly remembering friend …
I now know that today is the 17th anniversary
of my high school graduation —
(when I was 17).

Going to go bury something …

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Back stage

Pan cake
Grease pencil
Gum arabic
Proscenium arch
Tech rehearsal
Hell week
Cast party
Cold cream
Prop mistress

Saturday, May 16, 2009

GeoQuiz 3




"All flash incidents do not equate to a violation."

We just had to.
I love, too, how the purpose is to reduce red-light running
"without impacting City funds."
Don't they know impacts can be negative or positive?
They meant to say "negatively."
They meant to say, "and if we make some money in the process, and if some contractor who made the cameras makes more, we'll be fine with that."
Today seems like it would be a good day to go fishing.
I wonder if I shall ever do that with my oldest male relatives ever again.
The last time I fished was with my spouse, and it did rain, of course,
and we ran the boat into the dam.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Free Hour and $5

"They said they weren't going to do early layoff tonight, but then they called back two hours later and they are."

(… said manager, who was chewed out earlier and irrationally that night by a person, male, who used to go off on breaks to read the bible with a person, female, who was escorted out the night before while cheerily covering the firing with loud "bye, everyone's" … oh, something about cheating, something about she should have taken the option to resign a couple of weeks ago instead of calling in the union and starting some investigation … the same manager whom the trainer-elevated clerk doesn't like for "dictating things she doesn't know anything about" while not helping her know anything, of course … and there i am in the middle of these things all …)

That's what it's like at the IRS.

Thursday was employee appreciation night, which means that some of y/our tax money went to cheering up federal workers such as I — who were against the idea of "wasting" an hour they were giving us off of production time (use code for "engagement," not "administrative") to play games like musical squares and giant Monopoly and Sorry — but then I laughed a little, ate the ice cream and played some balloon game in which you see how far yours goes when launched from behind some line in the non-smoking courtyard … and I won a five-dollar QuikTrip gift card.

I'm extra happy about not getting one of the Wal-Mart ones, you know?  Very much better than my last day at Taco Bell, for example, when the A/C went out in August along with the register computers, and we were sweating to death doing manual orders, addition and change, and my drawer ended up $20 over …

Eight weeks and lots of social input later, my $12.91/hour night-gig has come to an end.

I am leaving on proper terms that allow me to be considered for seasonal recall (sounds like some Christmas-toy malfunction thing) in January or February 2010, and the rest of the numbering crew only expects another week or to be shifted to days very soon.

The director came 'round and thanked us mechanically like she must, for the campus' having met our deadline for refund returns.  "You just numbered and got them out."  Yes, indeed.  We're so proud that you all should have received your money by now (unless you're in the late buckets or only filed your 4868 so far, like me …).

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Scrolling

… down … seems …
to be …
something … missing … 
after (before) may 7.

just me?

****************
we think that tomorrow (today) is the final one for the early-leave-takers.  nothing is certain, though, esp. in a government job, except the pettiness of people who will talk about others they then talk to to their faces as if they hadn't just said what they said for weeks and weeks and weeks or five minutes before.  we are complex enough to manage dozens of overlapping relationships simultaneously.

it's a delicate dance, a strange capitulation of levels and positioning.  she (M____) can be honest to criticize T____'s 3-inch heels or shown-through bra-strap and then be criticized for her own tops that men (B___ said, to me, when M____ was away) were coming to the atrium level on purpose just to look down and see and wear that same day and the next a bra with colorful straps, which i can for myself see … yes, the previous comment-day, i asked about hers out front, but in an off-handed comparative way.

and i can be honest about my "man shoes" as B___ points out her own slippers (after admonishing me about chips before i had seen the weeks of what i know she eats now …), and not give a damn what anyone is wearing. 

people say what they say when allies are near to say hear-hear — knowing and/or not caring that the allies have the power to relay that information to the talked-about …

i so so so wish i could hear what they say about me.  it's not vanity.  it's just material.

is it more honest to gossip and put your impressions about people out there (like mine about how M___ was wearing white pants i thought were ___) rather than not say them (like i never said anything about the pants or anything else around there)?

clothing is so WHATEVER, and even though i get a small kick out of the anti-hipster-look site, i have to say, "hey, we all wore really dumb clothes at one point, and really, what ARE dumb clothes?"

i'm all for wearing what you have, what you like, what you feel like that day.  i have always had HUGE anxieties about getting dressed (to leave the house or even to clean, because one never knows when someone else will show up … and naked cleaning is not "cool" — see, i'm not all that free) and spent, sometimes, hours doing it (putting on and taking off dozens of combinations), and i can only find peace in dropping back on a faux-buddhist feeling that THIS IS REALLY SHALLOW AND MEANINGLESS, thinking of what prisoners wear, what homeless people wear, what poorer people wear, what we see African and Vietnamese children wearing …

[not to downplay designers' art.  that's a whole other layer of discussion.]

Monday, May 11, 2009

day off

then
thursday
paid time off is
charming
was used all up entirely with not-resting

one day away and next
thing is return to find three desk-land companions
gone

i'm the only one in my row-for-eight
and now i get to move into the girls' neighborhood
else be considered anti-social

they resigned as requested
because they are too slow

it was like being on LOST or something
sudden disappearances
and that one guy did ask how i liked it on my island

john donne had it wrong
but nevertheless i'll play along.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Friday, May 08, 2009

Sisyphus had his rock

There's this pile of postcards by my bed, and in my body, it's 2 p.m., as if for the last seven weeks I've lived beyond the dateline, over in Asia again.

The postcards are waiting, along with the uncounted … scroll and scroll and scroll … e-mails waiting for my attention, for conversion, for legitimacy, a notation of this-is-important, though nothing is important.

Tasks we take on in hopes of what —

(Mommy, it hurts so much.)

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Someday, 2 p.m. will be that late-afternoon lull again.
For now, it's my sunrise.
And I'm sick of it.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I hate being itchy.
I hate that it's already dawn.
I hate when feline pets are bothersome.
I hate finding time to deal with fingernails.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Notice of Completion of Suitability Investigation

"Employment with the Internal Revenue Service requires both good character and a high degree of personal integrity. I am pleased to advise you that the background investigation conducted incidental to your employment with the IRS has been completed and it has been determined that you are suitable to occupy your current position."

Well, that's good! … I've been there 7 weeks, and I hear that voluntary layoff time is just around the corner — maybe Thursday, before I get my free ice cream at Employee Appreciation Day (May 12).

That would suit me just fine, incidentally.

For now, my suitable co-workers and I shall be "enjoying" "Cinco de Mayo" together by eating food that we signed up to bring in and scarf down between quota-making document-stamping exercises.

Extra points to those who can find the grammatical (punctuation) error in the director of personnel security's paragraph.

It goes along well with the computer-printed sign that's been perplexing me all along that tells clerks that certain shelves (called The Wall) contain boxes of #2 and #4 filing supplies:

NUMBERING
FOLDERS
IS
AROUND
THE CORNER

Friday, May 01, 2009

Day of Labor


Somewhere, many wheres, several 1--- places, a woman is giving birth.
Labor.

I shall lie on the lawn and see what crawls over me, and
at dawn the breath of soil smells inhaled will remind me that it is spring.

September brings sorrow renewed by personal anniversary; however,
we are choosing this year to take a belated honeymoon toward another wedding.

Theirs is on a ship; both request costumes, and my hope is that then
I will have but one paying job and no non-paying ones.

Hers is on Beltane (belated one day),
and the technical Saturday anniversary of ours (belated two, but both on Derby Day).

You can change anything as easily as the weather in Missouri
and probably as effectively — you are powerless, but time is not.

Time gives rise to creative togs, panels, embracings of life —
otherwise, we are just surviving and have no costumes.

For amphibians, amoebas, fish, crustaceans of the land and sea,
survival is blessedly enough (esp. since we think they think of nothing all day).

Our worries build up higher than Babelicious towers, and we want so badly
to have something, be something, do something more

Than convert
Time to
Labor,
Work to dollars,
Dollars to things that allow one to
Arrive back at work somewhat rested, usually bathed,
Often fed, adequately clothed, and "willing" to keep on feeding
The self, the debts, the unavoidable expenses of being around
In this country.

Deterioration and entropy happen.
Poems don't always make it to the end.

Everyone needs an editor
is her adage:

This piece — like the little piggies whom (no one talks about it)
apparently died from the flu — had none.

Happy birthday, Mom.

I think you must be 49.

So, I won't be any more than merely and wholly present … I am supposed to
be doing something else even now, but these are my choices.

The ear thing of the year has begun. Mark-ye the ache as starting 48 hours ago;
wait for the fun reports of über pains and submissions to Take Care Health Clinic.

Souter, you are going?

These next few days mean we are halfway between the last equinox and the coming solstice.
That was fast.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

On Saturday, my best friend (female) is getting married.

I will have been married 6 years.

There needs to be something creative happening from me.

Time …

My mom turns 59 on Friday.

My latest second cousin came to us on Wednesday.

Another dear friend is having a baby in November.

I'm scared of swine flu.

Honeymoon is in Belize.

I want to go to Paris.

Getting a new roof is so, I don't know, NOT GOING TO PARIS.

I love the heat-detection cameras at Narita airport — can I have a portable one to blast at anyone I suspect of having a fever?

And, now you're telling me that the starlings, pigeons, zebra mussels, kudzu vine, jumping carp, etc. are somehow going to be fixed by making my avians illegal? Come back to me when there are swarms of Australian budgies plaguing our farms … or when everyone has to get rid of their dogs …


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Discovery-new second:
you can beat up two eggs in a big coffee cup,
and microwave them for about a minute-45 —
the end result is a fluffy thing like what goes in an
Egg McMuffin (and no mess or gadgets!);
I'm in no condition to drive
(sleep-deprived),
and so no Wendy's Fresquit (sic / sp?) for me …
Ketchup, fresh-ground pepper and a cholesterol- and potassium-rich meal
are alright.
Thus barketh the dogs.  Robins have stopped finally.
Milo says hi.
Finally met Elijah Gowin (Peter).
Starlings and crows; people are upset about art school evolution.
No one likes change; liberal arts are where it was once at.
Oh, no,
she has discovered Amazon.com video-on-demand is compatible with Mac
(terrible resolution though it may be, it does not ask for anything and feeds you when you ask it).

Oh, no, flu

Chickens, pigs, and people — yeah, we're gonna make sure we pick a winner …

VIRUS : )

100 years is not that long.  Darn it, my immune system is not that great.  There is this woman somewhere in the vicinity of our section who coughs and coughs and coughs … she should have died by now, so it's not fun-time swine-flu, but it does make me think … ugh, humans.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Art-ful

(Review magazine online; the unofficial word is "there is always too much to do and see in KC, so get with it.")

Oops

… I did it again … ?

Anyone have any power-napping tips that won't leave me sleeping through three automatic alarm snooze-cycles?

PS, our time-sheets are part of what is performance-evaluated. Good gracious, I'm missing .4 hours tonight … gone like a lost math-sheep.  Requesting border collie assistance.  Will pay in lamb chops.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

This is I

(common parlance says "this is me, so"):

This is T., World War III Fighting Ace
pretending that it's not at all nearing 5 a.m.,
that I'm not at all incapacitated by lack and addition,
that I'm really going to feel as motivated as I did 9 hours ago …
that it's not at all only a matter of my wanting to do what I can't,
wanting to do what seems better in relief than as reality staring me in the face … 

Wanting instead really right now just to watch Cabaret again, am I.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

19 hours

For those of you mailing in your dear taxes, there are about 19 hours left in the Central Time Zone where you may avoid penalty just by receiving the right date on your mail.

People like me know "a lot" about stamps and dates and made-up rules.

This year — which strikes me as rather late, considering that some of the protesters' issues (deficit spending … passing huge-ass bills with far-reaching consequences without reading them) came about during a time when I did not stop paying my taxes nor go protest an institution that "conspiracy theorists" consider unConstitutional — people are gathering about for Tea Parties.

Taxation without adequate representation may have been the founding argument, but the practice did not go away with King George. I was not in support of my country's budget surplus' being spent 100 times over* to fight a war and dictator equal to many others in the world but who happened to be easy (ha ha) to link figuratively to an act of war perpetrated by another nation and by other kind of nation for reasons of revenge, money or something else.

Anyway, a few of my 7 p.m. colleagues are still stamping away, taking advantage of the 2 hours' nightly overtime offered … Friday all day … no, thank you. Though I may be wasting valuable work or sleep time by blogging, heaven save those of us such as myself who are not sure whether their accountants are going to make the deadline, I just can't spend more time there.

I think it would be $18 an hour.

It is tempting. It is half-sinful and indulgent, in fact — but only because of the fact that it is certain. If someone says there is work, there is work; and they always pay for it, and they do it with direct-deposit.

It is a well-known fact that choices made out of avoidance or as ways to run away from something else are fatally flawed. There is a little bit of narcotic effect in having accrued 8 hours of vacation time and established a retirement fund, however miniscule … health insurance would be on the horizon, perhaps next tax season — our department is some kind of "career track" one, for some unfathomable (to me) reason, and so those of us who are "fully successful" and make our quotas and keep our 97% "high quality" accuracy are in line to be recalled automatically for January.

I have other things to do.  They are creative, less secure, more fulfilling.

The chatty — professed shy — conservative is in a nearby department, having shifted Sunday to a higher-paying (but temp-status and shorter-lasting) position. The remainder of us, including the 16 people recalled after that fortnight of furlough, are starting to show true colors of pettiness.

Let the record show that it took 4.5 weeks and the pressure of a full set of desks and the anticipatory tension of peak season (there were a million pieces of mail in the organizational inbox today, so to speak) to get people contriving against one another.

In the hallway, while we were all waiting around for a computer tech who did not show (had the wrong time down or something; no, managers don't call in advance, but apparently there is really less planning and accountability going on than touted), I listened to a couple of women from the back-from-layoff set say mean things about a number of people at their desk (behind our set, so I kind-of know who they were calling names about … at this point, I don't remember what they said, only that they expressed exasperation for having "crazy at this end (of the desk) and crazy at the other one").  Yeah, some of the people have weird personalities or low IQs, but the fact that there is a need to take sides and not live-and-let-live baffles me. It's only full-time for 5 months of the year!

When the fellow who is very competent and has been there longer than I have, probably years, did not know how to follow directions on a computer screen for taking the survey (when we went back down later**), I was back to my old community college computer lab support instructor mode. He talks fast and said he has a third-grade education more than once. He repeats other things and seems to be in his 40s but looks from far away like he must have in his 20s.

I digress, but later, the whole crew got a stern talking-to at another meeting to discuss the way some people, "you know who you are; if you don't, you have nothing to worry about," have been hoarding trucks (of work to stamp and file) or using other strategies such as holding them for others or signaling to friends when certain ones are up for grabs or going on break after delivering a finished truck of work to the end-center in order to wait for someone else to take the next to-do-truck in line — that happens to be full of 2,900 pieces (instead of the usual 1,450 for 1040s), or prior-years chunky with attached envelopes proving postmarks by which to calculate penalties, or exceedingly-itemized returns that can be up to three inches thick each and require the splitting of buckets and other physical wonders.***

It's funny; I am one of those people who was "breaking the rules" by going off to the restroom after delivering a truck, but I do it only because it is more efficient / forms a circuit instead of a path of retraced steps. The same trucks are ready and waiting when I return 4 minutes later. And, I thought it was a bad idea to take a truck and then leave it sitting there by your desk while you are not working it. Funny, yes? Personally, even though CC complained about prior years, EZs (not as easy as he thought, even though they are flat and consistent and require no manual flipping of stamper numbers between file-sets), and everything else, in fact, besides smallish 1040s, I find all trucks to present equal challenges.  (They are all fine, and they all suck.)

My main thought at any time is: oh, variety.

Anyway, I think that with the departure of CC, who, for all his flaws, is really just a lonely and sincere guy from Chiagoland who started life as a government employee, got used to fun with a private-sector set of gigs (after being screwed by the union, I was narrated) and who likes his boat and other aspects of his newer-life (50s) lifestyle, I must stick to the rules of my father. Dad gets so little credit, and I have already quoted him to both CC and other-John, who was back today, too: "I've already violated the rule about 'never discuss politics, religion, or money at work.'"

After the fact.

Obviously, I have no such rules about this place (blog).

Anyway, now, to be frank, now that the man who literally said, "Would you like a Squishee with that," in an Indian accent 4 times in 4 weeks as I bowed and shook my head while saying, "no, no, no," (instead of "hey, would you say that to someone who is Indian? … then, see, it's inappropriate;" yes, I know; it was on my "next time he does it" list) is gone, I am only flanked by people whose accent**** I can't quite get.  We have other things in common, and I shall concentrate on those.

I am still, with all my co-workers in the place where people are afraid of germs and never shake hands, as with everyone else on the planet, only an approximation of myself and thus most of the time an embarrassing speaker of silliness and blushing hand-gestures … the fact that someone who's known me less than a month said something that I've heard from loved ones of years says plenty.

The fact that many have already said things referring to my smile, gait (speed), socks, spunk, or speak-to-easiness is something else and kind-of gross and depressing.


*Statistic made up for figurative reasons. Literal calculation is yours to make by looking up the war-spending ticker and comparing it to the original surplus left to George W.

**The survey ended up getting us a free hour on our time sheets (administrative hours are not counted against our production time in figuring the quotas), all because of incompetence. PS, I kind-of miss teaching things that I know well, like English or how to use a computer to perform basic academic tasks.

***Wonders include but are not limited to: lifting more than 500 pages of paper in one (girl!) hand, over the head or below the waist or anywhere in between; flexing triceps and other assorted arm muscles approximately 5,000 times a day, 5 days a week (alternating arms because that's how I am — weak and seeking balance), wielding a metal tool that weighs about 1 pound over and over and over and over, pushing paper-full trucks (metal carts of 29 buckets each) around, dealing with ubiquitous pop and chip and candy and donut and Lunchables and burrito machines and a food-service cafeteria that serves chicken strips until midnight, avoiding being tempted by a smoking area in the coolest part of the no-public-access outdoor space, and figuring out who is not my enemy (including the ones who talk about how you have to watch your back in this place).

****Really it is only a matter of unfamiliar tonal value-range added to my hearing and people's projection. I think, as I do with CC's inability to understand Indian telecommunication and account customer service workers being a matter of exposure and familiarity, that my failure to get more than 85% to 90% of what some people are talking about may have something to do with ear training. It is something I've already talked about re: riding the bus. I don't understand it. Apparently, we are drifting further apart. I can handle the replacement of "they" for "their," and most of my childhood, my mom had to keep correcting me out of saying the convenient "ain't" that I now I hear all the time, but the fact that I can't even repeat to you (remember at all) the phonemes floating around my head all night long and always just a little bit out of earshot (white people are soooo much screechier, aren't we?) is disturbing to me. This is one of the reasons I am t/here.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

3W

FB says

: whole wheat tortilla (made in Kansas, lower in fat and whatnot than L'il Guy, who makes good, if too-salty chips in KCMO),
non-fat refried beans (yes, from a can, didn't you see that post last last year?),
habañero sauce,
quartered grape tomatoes,
some appenzeller cheese, which was the only cheese left in the house

= that's what 4 a.m. break-non-fasts are made of!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Be careful


… especially if you are an orange cat.

This is that day Garfield echews.

And if you are Milo, you just never know when "they" are going to feed you.

First Friday walk

Sunday, April 12, 2009

How did that Travelocity gnome know to insert MCI to PAR automatically?

I don't like being spied on.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

"no, no, please"
has about as much effect as
"yes, yes, please."

if it's going to happen
there is no reason to invoke the voice.
No, that's not what anyone wants to hear!

Where is thine press secretary*?

(This is why they don't let the president blog on his own / everyone needs an editor ….)

I feel like "Elaine," eating the stale Windsor cake … I had Italian (imported and tackily still partially frozen / I don't care / I expect it of the place where ex-cop/owner-man challenged me on the freezer-burned-ness of the breadcrumbs on my something-parmesan many years ago) cheesecake (at this tacky but still in-business place with outdoor seating where D. and I like to go).

Usually, I cringe and then force down mandatory post-dinner desserts.

But what is dinneresque about Romaine lettuce, a few Kalamatas, very good dressing (on the side of which I ate very little), some salami, proscuitto or whatever it is called that I have racistly decided not to learn at this time (like Republican desk-neighbor, who makes fun of Indian "sub-continent" accents by repeating them in cartoon voices), three slices of lame, pale "tomato," and some grated parmesean cheese (real, not dusty)?

My point is that I am still undernourished, my dear friend has emphysema, and I that can prove the former with photographs I took tonight (as a non-radiologist / they are of me … need $ to share : )

So, after a week of Zingers, brownies, commercial chocolate candy, chili, hot dogs (1.5), chips, a half-grapefruit, a few apples, 30 oz. or more of diet Dr. Pepper death-water, and things I have e-mailed to some of you … la chica at this hour is unable to translate.

Might I say that I avoided donuts, (extra and "Rotel") cheese, and high fructose corn syrup soda pop throughout the week-of-spirit.

I had sour cream, though.

*It's a budgie.
If I can throw a cat,
I can kill a dog.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Repetition

Season to season,
Day into night rowing back again in predictable units
Afloat expectations inspired by hope
Instead of experience:
Living is constructed of
Patterns that become tiresome weary tracks where
Trains of intention derail.

Every day, eating feels urgent.
Every day, sleep is essential.
Every day, teeth are cleaned, and though sometimes there is bleeding,
Gnawing and bleary vision,
Wishing for variation, vigorous embracing
Of the now is impotent against
Season to season.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Monday, April 06, 2009

they

— leave exploded coffee in the microwave, so that when you open the door, it spills out (yeah, i cleaned it up) …

— drop dozens of paper towels on the floor in the bathroom and think nothing of it (yeah, i frequently pick those up, too) …

— have no idea how to use a divided trash can with clearly-marked "cans only," "plastic only," "trash only" holes (no way am i going to start that losing battle) …

— will back into your car, leave a significant dent and feet of scratches to show they kept on keeping on, etc. without claiming responsibility (in a parking garage that is mostly EMPTY space) … (o.k., so maybe it wasn't "they" who did this one … we'll never know, though physics seems to indicate it might have been some other evil entity in Westport … do i really have the kind of patience, energy, connections to ask for surveillance tapes?  when will Big Brother work FOR me?)

Sunday, April 05, 2009

I wonder what it would cost to hire someone to cook for me like this.

I've always wanted a live pianist or cellist to play in my home for several hours a day as well.

I also want a few goats and chickens.

It would have been nice to live near the ocean, but, you know — global warming (and other threats to important coastal places) — so I guess I can stay here or somewhere like here.

My government-job desk neighbor is always offering unsolicited food and advice.  He's a lonely person, I've decided; he opened up to me without request, later / recently commenting that he never does such things, that there's (sigh) "something about you."

Yes, I get it, and I said so:  "I'm one of those people people talk to."  Cheer cheer.

I do not like his take-over of my thoughts, both at desk — 8 hours, mind you — and later on during mental download.  Bleh.  I had to state explicitly the other day, after my "I just need some alone-time" from before did not have a lasting effect, that it was absurd to spend lunch together when we already spend 8 hours that way.  Good God.  I know his wife is ailing, but apparently she can still cook lasagna (I am not being obscene), and he's a moral and evidently insecure person who used to be a gymnast in school and recently has taken up scuba diving.

He likes his boat.

He is "not an animal person."

He is generally estranged from his siblings, and his children (three, I think) are generally successful and happy people he likes.  He thinks about art now because of me, he said.

Anyway, I'm hungry.  Awake and hungry.  I would have eaten again by now.

Today (yesterday) we ate at McCoy's for $38 (includes tip) … I had a "small" "bistro" salad (it was good) and some buffalo chili and a corn muffin.  Two beers tinged with raspberry and served at some freakish room temperature.  The outdoor dining air was colder.  I took the cheese and tortilla strips off the chili, because they were obnoxious.  I scoffed at the "spicy" notation on the menu.  Yes, spicy compared to a raw tomato perhaps.  It was good; I've had it before.  The place where I was hoping to get replacement earrings has been gone for some time now, apparently (get out much?), and the pet store on 39th was closed 50 minutes before we arrived.  We went into the ___ (how does one describe a place where they sell odd jewelry, RPG dice, some chain mail and swords, belly dancing clothes, and incense from Tibet, which we bought?) and had a nice little time instead.

There isn't very much to eat in the house that does not require 40 minutes of cooking (or is not grilled cheese.  I had an episode with the loaf of bread; there is irreparable damage.  Please send bread-pudding recipes that work with soft — not the fake whitened kind — whole wheat bread), so I'm left to fantasize about food I could never conceive and which looks too laborious to execute.  Thank you, bloggers of food.

It reminds me of the time I read an entire book on cheese while waiting to be picked up the usual three hours after high school let out.  Why aren't there vending machines in or restaurants around libraries?  I probably didn't have any money anyway.  That library is where I learned about abortion regrets, cocaine, LSD, and sailing terms.  Those are the only books I recall from that setting and time.

Public libraries freak me out.  I prefer university ones.  There is much more privacy.  And the range of ages is (was) closer to one's own:  no kids running around, no old people, etc.  During the two semesters I was recently back in school, my life (and status) made going into the university library such a non-priority that, to this day, I still have not done it at all.  (Note that it is immediately adjacent to the art building!)

I suppose I shall when it becomes necessary for the advancement of my (I can't help but laugh) degree.  I'm probably afraid of the way things are mostly online in special databases … journals are so 1990, like the card catalog was so 1890.  Also, although I was carded twice this weekend, I am older than the average college student.  I don't quite belong there.  We wear different clothes.  Besides, they only asked for my I.D. because A) it was a flirtation method on the grocery-checker's part, and B) because liquor control had been doing little check-ins lately in Westport.  Admittedly, I'm a little worried about the checker's photographic memory.  What if I don't want to share my address with people?  Is that a drinking penalty of some sort?  I heard cigarette taxes went up $1 a pack around here (get out much?).

The girls at work didn't agree that it would be easy for someone to memorize (or write down) SS#s and names or addresses from the tax forms we each swore we would not compromise.  They let us work there at least a week before our background check materials were completely processed.  I suppose the fingerprints had been FBI-cleared already, but opportunity creates a thief, even the kind without a record.

Note: I am not stealing anything from any taxpayer.  I respect the job, back-numbing as it is.  I don't have any intention to steal any identity information or even an understanding of how it is useful.  Also, I'm not as evil as all that; I don't believe in randomly picking people to hurt who have done nothing against me.  For those who have, I let it go and know there is no satisfaction in revenge.  However, if some checker-guy starts showing up around here, I will have to respond.

Bleh.

Feed me, someone.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

True or False

(You have a 50% chance … )

"Has not bought sugar for months.

"Sees 'sugar' for $1.89 a pound and chooses it over the C&H at $1.99 a pound … 

"Eventually hurls useless impulse product out back door to see if opossums give a rat's ___; then, apparently hurls an orange (desiccated and useless but for to harass dog) that went south of the sucre … in case (more than) 'nothing really matters …'"

Ayuda-me?

Now I treat it

– like a seashell, but before
I used it as a rock.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Sigh

Missing.

I have my contentions

… but one is not supposed to speak ill of the dead.

It is enough that the visitation was on April Fool's Day and that I was not able to attend.

Born on Veteran's Day, she once was on my side. Then, like so many others, I must have done something wrong. She was powerful. She was independent. She was a friend of Kay Barnes and Deb Hermann and many others. Seventy-four is not all that old. Anyway, I hope I am as useful when I'm 64 and beyond, for I did admire her, but I would do things differently if given the chance:

Ruthanne Harper, 74, Kansas City, Mo., passed away Sunday, March 29, 2009.

Visitation will begin with the rosary at 5 p.m. and continue until 8 p.m., Wednesday, April 1, at Passantino Bros. Funeral Home, 2117 Independence Boulevard, Kansas City, Missouri (64124).

Family and friends will gather on Thursday morning, April 2, at St. Anthony Catholic Church, 318 Benton Boulevard, where the Mass of Christian burial will begin at 10 a.m. Burial will follow in Floral Hills Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, contributions are suggested to St. Anthony Parish (64124) or Crossroads Hospice (9237 Ward Parkway, Kansas City, MO 64114).

Ruthanne was born November 11, 1934, in Kansas City, Missouri, and spent her entire life in Kansas City. She worked for AT&T during her adult life, rising to the level of district manager before her retirement in 1989. She was a member of St. Anthony's Parish. While her community was always important to Ruthanne, it was following her retirement she was able to devote her energy full-time to civic and charitable affairs. Kansas City was Ruthanne's true love, and she worked tirelessly for her hometown. She volunteered in many capacities, using her remarkable intelligence, insight and imagination for the betterment of our community. Ruthanne formerly lived in a Queen Anne-style house on Gladstone Boulevard, just blocks from her childhood home, and she proudly proclaimed herself an "urbanite."

She served in leadership roles in Old Northeast, Inc., and in the Scarritt Renaissance Neighborhood Association. She was instrumental in having Cliff Drive designated a Missouri Scenic Byway and in the restoration and preservation of the historic drive. She was deeply involved in the Kansas City Museum, a Kansas City institution near and dear to her heart. When she relocated to the Northland, that area became an additional beneficiary of her deeply-rooted sense of community and involvement. Ruthanne was also appointed to several terms on the Kansas City Neighborhood and Tourist Development Committee and the Public Improvements Advisory Committee, where she devoted countless hours to serving the city she loved. A founding member of the Kessler Society, she served as secretary for the society and is credited with supervising an extensive historical documentation of the city's boulevards and parks. Ruthanne was also extremely politically active, and many relied on her acute instincts and acumen, seeking her advice on many subjects.

She was a member of the political clubs Forward Kansas City and The Citizens Association, and was very active in both groups. In addition to her devotion to the city she loved and the causes she championed, Ruthanne was a loyal and generous friend to many in Kansas City. Her wit and intelligence were legendary, and her sharp mind and strong opinions were highly prized. Ruthanne valued directness and appreciated it in others. When Ruthanne spoke, people listened, for they knew her words were laden with honesty, sincerity and knowledge, spoken with integrity, and always delivered with the kindest of intentions.

Her love of life was matched by the love she felt for her pets, most recently her beloved dog, Muffin, whom she spoiled shamelessly and from whom she received much joy. Ruthanne was preceded in death by her father and mother, Herbert and Mary (Chennault) Harper. She is survived by siblings Marguerite Manning and James Bond Perleth, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces and cousins, and many cherished friends. (Arrangements: Passantino Bros. Funeral Home, 816-471-2844.)

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Oh, the performance

Blisters, paper-cuts, shredded cuticles and a back-pain issue perplexing in its persistence — a refusal to wear gloves coupled with a drive to be faster than my neighbor mean that I am kicking through 517 to 600 1040s an hour, depending on what hand is in charge of what function (and how tired I am). I have to switch every night. They laid off 16 people on Sunday. Everyone is e-filing. This industry, too, shall soon feel the crunch of "no paper no more."

So, go out and celebrate my exceeding of Operation Quarterly Numerical Performance Standards for Employees — I'm efficient enough to be better than "surviving" (level 2) and dropping in between levels 3 and 4.

All this is surely helping me cope with the accumulating sense that all other items are slipping away. It is true, even today, that other job is still receiving 25 hours of my time. That leaves 100 hours a week to eat, sleep, bathe, communicate and do anything else that is necessary to survive.

We are predicting eventual explosions of volcanic scale, though a recent complication from mad-woman hormones seems to have left no victims. I mean, really, if I were looking to escape, I'd run off in that 530i that he just left a key on the table for. (It's not ours.)

PS: have seen spouse for a total of 30 seconds today, not including six lines of dialogue with stairs in between at 4 a.m. We seem to be involved in too many things. Hmm, now that I've read a review (long live reviews!), that car doesn't seem fun to drive at all.