Huge Lifetime Pensions

must be the reward for senators and representatives who have to do so many standing ovations every year during the State of the Union address. Exhausting, to be sure! How many Weight Watchers points does attending the SOTU count for? All that up and down and clap, clap, clap, quads and biceps burning with the added ounces of French cuff links and Blackberry handhelds. . . .

My future looks so bright:

"By 2030, spending for Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid alone will be almost 60 percent of the entire federal budget."

Could we start by cutting Congress pensions?

"Every year of my presidency, we've reduced the growth of nonsecurity discretionary spending, and last year you passed bills that cut this spending. This year, my budget will cut it again and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities. By passing these reforms, we will save the American taxpayer another $14 billion next year and stay on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009."

All that non-isolationistness is expensive, and non-nonsecurity discretionary spending (military spending) is what blew the surplus in the first place. Can you give me a list of those 140 programs?

I love the part about how we'll cut our use of Middle Eastern oil by 75 percent by 2025. I don't believe that we don't have the technology to do this right now. It's a matter of will. By then, though, Bush will be comfortably retired, an 79-year-old man with what I presume will be one heck of a pension. He will probably have his own air and his own global-cooling ozone-blocker dome over that ranch in Texas, too.