Friday, February 25, 2011

Activation fee

A few days of sleeping straight through brings on snow
That justifies it post de facto.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


… but quite old.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

It's true

I have hardly eaten this past week; am always hungry. up 18 hours a day. Not so inclined to eat, which is the odd part.

The worst part is that i can't drink enough water.

I wake up with and have at many times while awake sharp dehydration headaches. Give me a hangover any day.

Approximately 24 hours ago, my manager saw me curse about the danged time sheets; she's a gem, though, and only said a while later, from a number of feet away from the other row of sorting desks, "Now, Miss ___, don't get frustrated; I see you're getting frustrated."

(They all always seem to help the middle row first for whatever reason; maybe it is because the people sitting there are all new, and we have three experienced people in our row … though I could explain how each of them is not all that helpful. I have other stories about being told what to do and my internal reactions; I swear, I can see how this sort of position could turn anyone into a resentful mess; I thought I knew resentment before, but at least I can say "f*ck" as much as I wish in my humanities-related job, and I don't have to answer to anyone but myself and what I create. However, the rules-is-rules gig pays more consistently and more per week. Let's have a debate about the necessity of a publicly funded arts granting institution or a non-commercial broadcast station.)

Later, she said, "You're a production person, too," and not disparagingly, but only to mean that there was no other way to change what was. She must have just had that conversation with someone else who was worried about performance standards, even though we're still on "learning curve." She was referring to how I was mostly frustrated that my per unit rate was wrecked by the fact that we didn't have enough to do and our work-giver was slow about bringing us items to do … what's so annoying, too, is that I would rather go home were there no work and no pay Ii've become such a contractor) than make my "numbers" look bad.

Yes, that's the way it is — waste time sometimes and then engage mandatory overtime later. You've read "The Jungle," right?

During a kill-time meeting that she didn't have us use a meeting time code for the previous night, she said that one thing we should know is that no matter what the rule is today, it could change tomorrow for no reason, but we have to do it anyway, so don't get frustrated with that. Things just change.

I wish I could tell you about other fun aspects, but I can't: I took an oath that had the words "Constitution" and "God" in it.

I had taken it before, so I am not sure how long it lasts; like my fingerprints they said the FBI no longer had on file (right!), the oath must expire or something, else why do it again : )

Thursday, February 03, 2011

One Year Ago (part 2 or 4 or 7 or something)


Sounds like a good combination: Two adults, three kids, 10 helpings of food at dinner.

I've just finished again Main Street. I have no kids. We hardly have "dinners."

Equations are not always equal, because serving size depends on so many things, as so many things depended on Williams's Red Wheel Barrow, in the rain, with those white chickens.

For example, to bring the faux metaphor (I shall call it sous rature, even) to the personal level, where it only really means something to me/T.:

I/she ate/drank today only some coffee (and it did not make her nauseous, so, again, all is random and unreliable), two cups of chicken broth, one cup+ of 1% cottage cheese, with pepper, a 110-calorie vending machine bag of Sun Chips, and about 15 almonds – and I'm not hungry*

… because the day before there were red beans and rice x 3 servings with celery, some cheddar cheese, two apples, salsa, blue chips, about seven plain Triscuits, some other things that are not within recall (could have been Monday food … blurry lines … had to remind myself at least 6 times today that it was only Wednesday … ). Oh, and there was more coffee in the evening tonight, and it had some milk in it, but again, no nervous system freak-out.

In three months, I will have been married 7 years.

*at least not undefeatably hungry, irrationally hungry, hungry without being able to "conquer" it with caloric logic, not the kind of hungry that leads to — ah, yes, we recall now, consumption of 5 peanut butter cookies (made at home in a late-night kitchen that looked really trashed the next morning, of limited sugar, only one egg, and generic Rice Krispies tossed in for good measure — and they fared much much better than the Kellog's Corn Flakes tossed into the "really, marshmallows can't make that much difference" fudge that is in the fridge and waiting for trash day). Fudge took care of the surplus chocolate chips; have had the flakes of corn since June (opened them only a few months ago; that BHT stuff is amazing). They were a gift. They are just fine with soy milk, but there are only so many cold cereal breakfasts that one wants … usually "having nothing" is more appealing. Body so not with this earth.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Snow Stops Me

In its tracks.

What is it about knowing that everyone else is sitting around watching Netflix and TV and baking cookies and whatnot that makes me unable to work, even though my job-duties are performable from any Internet-connected location?

What is it, indeed.

Only 40% can be attributed to the same thing that is causing me to regret right now —
Seriously —
The fact that, after months of deliberation, I finally threw out 4 jars of pickle juice, ie: sugared vinegar, the other week.


So, I ate a teaspoon or so of mustard after swishing around a mouthful of sea salt.
It might not be enough.

I was mesmerized like a cat watching the goldfish all day yesterday … something about swirling sky flakes is just magical.
Today, we shoveled, and so I feel all accomplished.
I'm alternately freezing to death or overheated.

Very full of food (though calorie-count might be under the 2,000 range; too hard to tell with homemade soup), but actually having pangs. There also was 700 kcal of Taco Bell. Last night put down 250 of Neufchatel. Woke up starving.

Knowing I will hardly eat all next week doesn't make it any easier to keep gorging.
Besides, I'm really sick of eating only these two soups (and cheese and blue corn chips).
The tomatoes went bad.
Oh, and I had the last grapefruit.

Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year; Metal Rabbit, bound my way and bring me gold, o.k.?