Merry X-mas

[Pre-script: I'm of "generation x," the outer cusp.]

We have a new crockpot now, despite it being "no gift" Christmas. That's from my husband's parents. My mom sent $X00, and my dad gave us shovels, a mitre box, some knives and oil lamps, things gleaned from estate sales that tend to crowd the apartment-set despite their actual usefulness; that was the other week, over Thanksgiving.

Siblings seem to have broken the tradition, as it were. It's a mutual and chosen decision. We don't buy each other things; though, if my brother had children, I would buy for them, most likely. Generally, we accept that we are all broke and that if we wish to purchase something we think we can afford, we'll choose it ourselves. Sorry to those who feel otherwise, generations are different.

Tonight, the ever-boyfriend of my sister-in-law, a computer technician who works from home and at client sites, actually came inside, had a sandwich and stuck around a while. His perpetual excuse is that his own earlier family life was bad and that he can't endure spending time with any current one.

Wouldn't we all be legitimate if using that excuse? The point is to keep trying. . .

He left before the presents part, with excuses about having to work.

He talked about some vacant lot he suggested I investigate, somewhere, as far as I could gather, near 31st and Troost. Feel free, anyone, to look it up. Something about the Port Authority.

He asked us, however, as a point of "haven't seen you in a while; how long have you been married (implied)", when we were set to have babies.

Right, "soooo, when are you having kids?" That kind of thing.

I consider that a naive, if not rude, question.

(I mean, does anyone ever take into consideration that some people really want children and really try and really feel inadequate and horribly blue because nothing works?)

Additionally, I don't go around preaching to my child-bearing friends that I think they have made poor decisions, do I?

So, in the spirit of the holidays, I said, "well, we've only been married three and a half years," with a squinty smile, along with, "I'm not forty yet," to which my husband's older (barren) sister replied in a serious tone that, no, i wouldn't want to wait until then - while my husband chimed in with "never," amid laughter.

Yes, and his mother said, "well, we're hoping for an accident."

Good gracious. Baby Jesus surely does inspire what the priest said tonight, amid lots of child chatter and terrible singing.

[Catholics, they just don't shout as if they're proud of their faith.]

They ran out of consecrated hosts, though my husband and I were not among the partaking or even the desirous-of-partaking. We didn't know until the priest closed Mass with first an apology. No matter. Still, what's with all the procreation? Why should I, in particular, be obliged?

To all of you, I hope your family situation is good these two days especially, or during any especially charged time, whenever that may be. The priest tonight made a show at honoring other faiths while veering during the homily into a political complaint about no one wanting nativity scenes on public property. He suggested, however, that Ramadan was coming soon. Good gracious (can I repeat that?).

My mother celebrated with her family tonight. I'm not sure how early I should call her in the morning. Neither I nor my brother were with her. It's what you do when you re-couple (and you live in different cities) - you trade off the major holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, sometimes Mother's and Father's days. It's odd that certain calendar-marked days carry additional emotional weight.

Speaking of weight, my inlaws' bathroom scale has me at 130 today. It's no surprise, as I've been eating chili and cheese and tons of carbs. Next week, I'll likely eat nothing, by comparison. Blame it on the holiday cookies everywhere. Normally, I don't buy them, and there is a clear reason. If they are there, just like cash in one's wallet, they/it will be consumed quickly. In sight-in mind.

I talked with my dad the other day. Probably Saturday. I did very little on that day. It was not one bearing any particularly good memories. Today was better, as I accomplished more. I did several loads of laundry, in machines that are sub-standard and four flights of stairs away.

I also went to church (see above), which made me cry because of my grandmother - there's that part in the "Lord, hear our prayers" section where they go on about "call our dearly departed to your table," or something.

And, I sat through a presents-presenting, which, for some reason, perhaps because our decision was clearly stated a year ago and that there was nothing to be done, was without guilt.

It may have been because I am relatively good at erasing all emotional ties to a situation, but I prefer to believe that it's because I'm healthy, ha ha, and that I am not going to let myself be upset about someone's wish to give.

Yesterday, a college friend and his wife called to ask to come by to give us a present. They do so every year, despite our lack of reciprocation. My other two couple friends of college days also brought gifts. It should be noted that both were consumables, nothing over $13, wine, candy they had made, etc. Perhaps we are the scrooge couple, but perhaps not. They know our stance, and yet they are generous and kind.

We make good food for them occasionally, though our television is the smallest and "Lost" night not the best, image-wise. We did a projection once. My friends are very resourceful. I try to be generous all the time, in general. I don't think I am, in reality. I think what happens is that I pay my way. I do offer to help, though. I take people to and from the airport, make offers for others that are refused. I used to loan friends good chunks of money. I once was not only not in debt but ahead of the game. I couldn't understand how a friend of mine repeatedly bounced checks. I mean, we both know math, right?

Now, however, I understand. It's probably a large part of why we don't want to produce children. I can't even buy the stuff I want to buy, and that's with me pretending to be "unmaterialistic!"

We also do not "believe" in the inevitable and continual progress of mankind toward the ideal of everyone having what they need and not excessively craving what they don't (and that by which consuming actually creates not only "jobs" but elements of what destroys us). Kids today are born into a distaster-on-tap, and the fate of those Americans who don't worry about that is disgusting blind consumerism. No, thanks, this is the composite of my reason, and also why I continue to rely on otherwise hated pharmaceuticals to suppress reproduction. No one wants mistakes.

Ah, yes, quite gloomy for Christmas night. Santa Claus, if he has enough time during gift delivery, might see me when I'm not sleeping. He's totally not coming here tonight.

We always say that we would take children that arrived due to circumstance, but view that more as a 10-year-old or so, some cousin, nephew or random adopted kid such as Brad and Angelina have done. And they're not even married! Tee hee. So, see, we're all just too dang practical about the whole thing.

And I'm okay with that. I have nothing about which to complain!

Ho, ho, ho.