Wednesday, March 18, 2009


For anyone who wants a primer on my life right now, please see Matt Groening's Futurama episode "Hermes Requisitions His Groove Back."

I haven't time to be more descriptive than to quote:

"Welcome to Stampy Town — population five."

Of course, as you can see, it was actually 2,800 more than that.

That is below performance standards.

That was last night.

Apparently, I'm .2 seconds slow per document.

All 1040s are not created equal. Some are single sheets and lovely, some are three-quarters of an inch thick and horrid.

Anyone who writes or — worse — staples in the "IRS Use Only—Do not write or staple in this space." corner is personally responsible for my failure, to the extent of a certain, undocumented percentage.

Please, this is not a threat. I'm trying to be funny. It really does take up valuable time to pull out stamper-blocking staples or to hand-write a mistamped 12-digit* number back in after the fact. It also provides a modicum of interest and use of alternative muscles and joints.

I am sworn to uphold the Constitution, you should know, and to protect your information from harm. And, I can't show you anything at all, because photos are prohibited, even though the facility is a great, vast collection of spaces I find to be pleasant. My other office environment is also large and open and non-officey, but the LEED©Silver building takes the cake.


*I really am not sure how many there are. This is a "why should I memorize that on purpose; I'll absorb it soon enough" estimate.

**prizes will not be awarded for anyone guessing this acronym, which I created)


Hyperblogal said...

Heck... that's an eternity in swimming. No bonus for you!!!!!

m.v. said...

I have an alibi - I e-filed

Applecart T. said...

After tonight, I have documentation: 30% of forms had staple impediments.

And, sorry, MV, but the answer to the PS acronym quiz is:

E-Filing Is Evil. Keep A Seasonal (employee) Solvent

Hyperblogal said...

I hate to say it but four days in and you're already creating acronyms.... the government has taken .t. from us.

Applecart T. said...

And now I know that it's either the fault of the Extractors (or, the we-change-rules-all-the-time IRS shifted the W2 / staple-removing burden up earlier in the chain o' workflow).