Here I am, windows open, hungry, and wishing for gastric calm besides. I want to sleep. I went to bed early, to stave off the annoyance of this aching back (very minor; in fact, it's funny I should mention it at all, except it's a "new" pain and doesn't seem connected to any organ), and it was humid, and there were helicopters, and even without the cat around, I woke up over and over until this morning I remember thinking I happily saw "3:45," but the next thing I knew it was 6-something. Foolishly, I stayed in bed through dawn, and then at 7:30 when the cat could not be contained further, I was dead-set in the middle of dreaming (blank verse) sleep and have not really been able to come out of it properly since.
Sometimes it is necessary for seemingly simple tasks to take longer than they should: lack of intelligence or practice. And there is nothing weak about looking for ethical solutions or at least role models when faced with a new expectation and "job," for setting up parameters or guidelines. I did not go to business school (for the very reasons that I need its training right now), and my task is so confidential and involves almost anyone I would normally ask for advice — so I am left with jotting out scenarios in blank verse (not really — who has time for that?), just like I always have to do with any large-ish decision involving too many intertwined factors, people, money, moving, history and future relationships, personal self-worth and value …
I suppose some people consider that praying, by involving a higher power in the process?
Anyway, I don't like having more to do in a day (even a 12-hour one) than I can actually accomplish, even without screwing around and walking to work first. And I'm moody. It seems I should be able to figure out who this person might be. This sounds like a job for Facebook, I'm afraid.
Facebook is quite useful, I'm finding, for organizing people to a single purpose. I actually use it to do real work.**
I read in my Mizzou alumni magazine (in print, with the hugest staff ever and somehow, always completely relevant to some things I care about reading and very well-produced, naturally) that Professor Bill Bondeson, whom I had in a couple of philosophy classes and is the school's longtime teacher of medical ethics, is donating premium vintage wines from his deep cellar for an auction to benefit a school cause I am not going to walk down a flight of stairs to look up right now. Way to go, I say; and I wish I could have a shot at some Latour, but alas. And thank you for some of the best academic moments ever.***
The lion of March is blowing around. I wish it were slightly less cloudy (to be warmer). Spring shivers.
*Rule of Style: we presume we all assume that there is always another thing. "The third is not given," et. al., and so it is unnecessary and a waste of words to use either Latin abbreviation, for "and other things" or "and others" (people, often). Of course, it could be argued that those sets of four syllables are sometimes serviceable to finish off a cadence of rhythm; however, I say that since most speech is in iambic pentameter (blank verse), that adding these phrases is probably not justified.
**More on the nature of "real" some other time.
***Someday, I shall rank all my teachers in concentric rings of effectiveness. I have a triumvirate to tout right now, but I'm going to challenge "fallout" to guess my other two picks and possibly some secondary and tertiary ones. Of course, we're generally talking English and American Literature, French, and the other Humanities. I capitalize them because it's so seldom they get that treatment from my Associated Press ironing over I do. Speaking of that, I wanted to reiterate that I don't know anything about editing or negotiating settlements or poetry.